God (He/Him) Holds another Refresher Course for the Catholic Church on Excommunication
Stating that the Church does not seem to ‘get it,’ God Himself has ordered all Bishops, Cardinals, and even the Pope to attend a seminar entitled ‘Excommunication 101.’ The Princes of the Church have recently been hiding behind the canonical premise that excommunication is only to be used as a redemptive tool, not as punishment. This does not explain, however, numerous Church-decreed excommunications throughout the centuries that were handed down posthumously, as redemption after death is in God’s domain only, and rather ineffective temporally.
Similar classes have been held throughout the centuries: in the 6th century after St. Columba was excommunicated for “praying for the winning side in an Irish war,” and again in the 17th century after Pope Urban VIII excommunicated Mikolaj Sapieha for ‘stealing a painting.’ “Not what I had in mind,” declared God, on both occasions. The Twelfth century excommunication of Ralph I, Count of Vermandois, for “repudiating his lawful wife and marrying another” prompted a warning from God, “if you thought this was bad, just wait till the twentieth century.” The seminar had to be repeated once again in the 1940’s after the Church failed to excommunicate Adolph Hitler. “That was an easy one. SMH,” tweeted God.
Even now, there are many examples of excommunication ignorance: Cardinal Timothy Dolan’s refusal to excommunicate his friend and bridge partner, Gov. Andrew Cuomo, for his “demonic obsession with, and promotion of, the slaughter of the wholly innocent” (God’s words, not mine); Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden (slam dunk cases); and Jesuit ‘priest,’ Fr. James Martin, a poster boy for heresy and an avid apologetic for numerous ‘abominations.’ “OK, one more time,” began an exasperated God.