Trump Does Nothing as Puppy Dies in Montana
The former President was reportedly busy consuming 2,000 calories over the weekend while Dreamers are starving and puppies are dying. Congress will commence an investigation immediately. Legal experts now predict Trump’s imminent indictment, as he was also caught purchasing a half-caf latte at Sheetz – obviously a racist gas station. Rep. Al Green has demanded Trump’s removal from society, citing new ‘incontrovertible evidence’ that Trump is actually Satan, primarily because of his orange hair. In other news, it has been confirmed that the ex-President has found a cure for cancer but is being widely condemned for playing golf last weekend and misspelling the word ‘oncological’ in a late night tweet.
BREAKING: Trump to be indicted for Hunter Biden's crimes. DOJ Taps Adam Schiff, Jerry Nadler and Jamie Raskin as Special Counsel.